Found This On The Loverley Internet...

"When she took off her shoes for the pedicurist, our spy said, "her feet stunk so [bleeping] bad that the pedicurist refused to do her toes . . . or anybody else's for the rest of the day."

This Makes Sense.

I REALLY WANT THIS PAINTING.

Ok so you're an anonymous donor, and i'm a struggling artist, oh forget the story just please somebody buy me this painting. You can have Matthew for one hour, he's quite bendy and agreeable. I might even be able to throw in a Fidel, but you must get me this. If you love me, you'll do it. Am i not good to you? Don't i treat you right baby?

Mariah Love Muffin

Another gem, a piss take of her Heartbreaker remix video.

Whoever this comedienne is, i feel love her. Even Missy Elliott makes an appearance (as a man in drag).

Even Though I Don't Really Rate Her...

... I think she's a bit twee, i do think this is the loveliest (is that how you spell it?) picture of her, or anyone, i've seen in a while. She got an Oscar that night, and if that was me i'd want a copy of this to put next to my trophy. In the loo, or y'know wherever.

I still think Felicity Hauffman was robbed, if you haven't seen Transamerica yet, harm yourself.

Mariah 'Gutter'

God bless Youtube. It allows me to show you all the funny videos i've been shown over the years. This is another MADTV special, this time on my favourite inspirational movie, "Glitter".

I'm actually starting to feel a bit bad about bitchin' her off all the time. I don't actually think there's any rivalry there between her and 'The Only One That Matters' Madonna, Queen of England. Everybody in the free speaking world seems to be going on about her weight, and i'm starting to think it's almost abusive. Don't get me wrong, i can't stand fat people as much as the next person because they are liars, but come on. If she puts weight on she puts weight on. The whole world shouldn't then attack her so violently as they seem to.

It was fun when she was crazy though, just a little bit. Anyway, i've said my piece. Now here's the video.

Silly Celine

Saw this on another website and had to share:

"With the Oscars telecast and after parties barely wrapped up, Celine Dion gets "down" to work rehearsing new dance moves that will be featured in her next television special entitled, "Celine Dion: It's Hard out Here for a Pimp and other Oscar Favorites."

This Is The Most Major Blog..

...Other than my own obviously. It's Chewbaca's blog, not that i'm a fan of that silly film franchise. But this is very funny and a little strange. Don't expect to read very much.

iRocked & iRolled.

So i played at Discotec. It was MAJOR! Stepping into the DJ booth was like boarding a spacecraft - coming straight from the Rex it was a little like leaving council accomodations and moving to a 40 floor Thames side view. The equipment there is literally breathtaking - My lady friend (The Blonde) even remarked that my music had never sounded this good.

The funny thing is that i was playing the R&B room, but i wasn't planning on playing R&B. This was to prove an uneasy challenge, as i underestimated how seriously those queens in that room took their black sounds. But they didn't know, that i was planning on playing very R&B based vocal house music. So while they were bitching about there being dance music on, they suddenly realised they knew the words to the track, that the bassline was as dirty as the original if not more so, and ten by ten they started to dance. Boy did i win them over! That room rocked! I literally looked out on to the dancefloor and felt amazing. Everyone was going crazy to my remixes of different tracks - Kanye West, Amerie, Gwen, Janet, Brandy, Beyonce, the fuckin' lot. People were coming over to praise my ass, saying they thought it was gonna be rubbish but that actually "...You earned my respect y'know yeah". Seems i'd found the first place i've ever known that a pretty face won't carry much kudos (which explains why most dj's are ugly fucks).

I had an amazing sound engineer (most of them are cunts n'all), who designed the system i was playing on. This probably so boring to you, whoever you are, but i think i'm a bit nerdy underneath this timeless, lithe exterior. The Cool Chick came down (that's Rose, who's picture i've posted before) and brought her camera as always. There WILL be a posting of pictures soon enough, especially as we then went to see Fidel who was playing in the other room and got trigger happy. Now there's a boy who makes DJing look easy!

Anyway i ended up snogging and smoking weed with a Brazilian in a doorway on the Strand at 5am, then i went home. I fucking rock man. Thanks to Laurent for giving me the gig in the first place, and Fidel for recommending me. Think i'll be sorting that Sketch gig out now, i've been putting it off as i wasn't sure i was good enough. Funny the ways that you can hold yourself back isn't it?

To celebrate this latest victory, i have made a new remix. It's a new version of Angie Stone 'I Wish I Didn't Miss You' and you can download it here.

iRocked &iRolled.

This Is Very Special.

You may recognise her from The Whitney Chronicles 1-4, well here is my favourite comedy lady whose name i've never known, in a really funny sketch.

First I Brought You This...

...Followed By This...

This is sooo bad it's good. Look out for missy man-she with the weave, she's givin' you all she got.

...Then This...

Oh my God this is so me @ 15, which if you've read my profile, is now. There is actually a video knocking about on the black market of me doing something very similar. And something very different.

Now To Show I Wasn't Sorry...

Vintage Madonna

These guys are almost 30, one is bald. In the UK we get this faze of our lives well and truly over with my the time we can vote no?

I'm Playing @ Discotec This Thursday

That's right. Don't really like the idea of doing gay clubs, they are shit after all, but Discotec is obviously different. It's cool in a world of naff, even more so because I'm playing there from 11 till 1 this Thursday 2nd March. It's mixed, like Fiction and to a lesser extent DT, which I much prefer. The music is always better in clubs that aren't exclusively gay. Loads of girls and boys I know will be there, and Fidel is playing in the other room from 12. We're takin' over the damn place! So if you'd like to come down, leave your name in the comments section and I'll see about putting you on the list.

I've done some special remixes of a few tracks like 'Golddigger' and '1 Thing' in preparation, all will be major.

Happy Gays!

Tea Bagging Ruined My Life

Look, learn and most of all laugh at the horror of a mother dealing with the consquences of Tea Bagging.

The Beautiful Monster

I WISH i had a picture to use here, but you're just going to have to trust me, this video is major. Think drag, black boys, bananas, sound effects, actually don't think those things. You might end up thinking it's something slightly different. Just watch the damn thing.

Jon Stewart

This is just a very funny segment of his show that's doing the rounds on the net. It's about the cost of the war in Irag on the stoopid American tax payer. More importantly though, it's funny (though can you believe it cost each person over $2000 minimum?

To Calm You Down....

.... When things get rough. Don't lose your hair over it, just read this.