Venus, my lovely...

There is something quite wrong with the expression on your face. Let's discuss this. Why are you so pleased? Have you literally been sex starved your entire career, or has the one in the middle just told you he has a twinkie bar in his pocket (and that it wasn't that he was pleased to see your bigfoot self). If i ever find myself surrounded by people like that, it's all over for me. When you look around and see those 'faces' as the ones looking out for you, you have every legal right to compensation.

If only she was good at sports like Anna Whore-nikova!

For Fucks' Sake Woman!

I'm not even gonna say it.

This Is Kinda Crazy ...

Kanye West Feat. Crystal Waters -
Gypsy Gold Digger
(Kris Di Angelis Is Mash Up Mix)


... I can't wait to play this out somewhere. Armed with tracks like these i should really be thinking about getting on the radio, this will certainly work in Ibiza this year. I can't wait man, it's like i'm smoking the spliff already.


Probably because i am.

I Love Brandy.

In all it's forms actually, but especially when it's the American girl that time after time, releases stunning records. Can you believe she's been dropped by her label?

So, to help re-hash that old career of hers, i've completed a number of remixes of a few of her tracks. Here's one of them:

Almost Doesn't Count - Kris Di Angelis Vs. DJ Shadow White Label Mix

Introducing Miss Coco Peru

This act is major. Check out the Website here, and be sure to check out the videos in her gallery section.

Here's an excerpt from her blog:

"I saw a lot of stretch marks out on the deck, watched people line dance and drink out of fake coconut´s, and please tell me what is more disturbing than a white middle-aged sunburned woman wearing the bikini she wore in college?

I´ll tell you; a white middle-aged sunburned woman wearing the bikini she wore in college…with cornrows."

Liza With A "Nee Nor Nee Nor"

Bitch is crazy.

Later To You Bitches?

You bitches can all kiss my ass goodbye cos i found me a real mans so you don't need to be all up in my stuff or i'm gonna come up in there and rearrange yours y'get me?

I'm not sure what it is, but there is a feeling of release i get when i start talking and typing that way. It's true, I did meet a great guy the other night. I think he's the coolest guy i've ever met, which is a really attractive quality in someone. I, Kris Di Angelis, was actually a little nervous. Mind you i was also a little ill too so i could only invest so much of myself anyway. SO you never know, maybe i'll dump all you bitches and move to wherever he said he's originally from (i've got it narrowed down to Argentina or Australia).

Bye Peeps, write your own postcards!

Missy Low-Hanger?

I know, but i couldn't resist.

Don't I Know You?

I've only ever known one person that wore a bonafide hair piece.

I'm saying nothing more.

There, all done.

You look marvellous! Hee Hee Hee!

What Do You Think?

Hmmm, did you think that was me at first? I certainly did. He's some boyband member in Germany recently exposed because of his ad in which he is looking for a dominant master to do whatever it is they do - in my experiance that means dress making and dates in Kew Gardens. He only has a look of me, the clothes are not my area.

Very Wrong.

There is something very wrong in this picture. From Courtney looking like Pete Burns to Kimberley Stewart being at the front of anything, there is something very wrong indeed. The other one whose name escapes me (Carmen Elektra? - not false at all - shut up) looks like a fake, as in literally the real Carmen is holding court down at Taco Bell, woofin' back enough grade M beef to make the world vegatarian.

Not sure where i've gone now, but they're weird and i'm not. Nuff said.

Bless Her.

I mean she tries sooo hard. None of her real friends tell her silly she can be, so she's left, abandoned, to just find her own way. And this is what she does.

Could just be my own opinion though, i don't even like that horse of a woman Erin O'Connor when she does that bringing back the twenties kind of pose. It incites me to violence. I have to go and stab my Erin scrapbook with a pin five or six hundred times, or till my hand cramps.

And Then There's Her Boat Foot.

Honey, you're feet could replace the Amazon. Put them away or chew them off yourself.

Whore (Singular).

Posh.

If only it were true! She'd be dead!

Not Everyone Is Feelin' Starbucks

It's been a while since i've heard a big old guy rant about something, so it kinda reminds me of a few people i used to know. Except this is funny.

Old man rants about Starbucks. Enjoy.

Willow Jackson?

This is really simple too, a midget does a Michael Jackson impression. It's really good.

This Is So Sweet.

In some more evolved countries, governments are spending money on helping little gay boys get a date for the school dance. This wonderland would be called Norway.

What Do You Suppose The Sound Was Coming Out Of Her Mouth?

Nothing about this picture is ok. She's a horse that wears jewellery, and God knows who he is. He certainly told her she looked faaaabulous though.

I Love Him.

This guy is a rapper called Common and he's incredible. Even more incredible was the look on his face when i jumped out of that cake and showed him my pieces!

I've just made myself laugh with that one.

Oh Jackie!

Darling will you stop it with this Joanie business? Your name is JACKIE, and i'm Joanie. Joan. Joan Collins. We've been here.

For those of you who have no idea what i'm going on about, Jackie is my friend Lukas, and Joan is ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME DAMN YOU MEEEEEEEE!

This is Lukas.



The one on the left.

Well actually that's the Pat Butcher Lookey Likey i had doing the door of my Batchelor Party 2 years ago. I'm definately going to do a summer Batchelor Party this year. Well if needs must.

I actually have a much better picture of Lukas, so here it is. I also have some others... but we won't go into those ones.
This one is with the lovely Chantelle, who's play i'm going to see on Sunday, even though it's well known that i HATE the theatre. Aren't i nice? I'm a giver y'know (well all good things..).

Bruce, My Lovely...

Thought i'd better quickly own up to something. This will also be a good test to see how quickly you respond. Here goes:

When i said that Madonna turned up to Discotec, and was dancing to my set, i was kinda making it up. You just pissed me off by not coming down (though the fact that you fell asleep made me laugh), so i thought i'd have some fun. How many people have you told now?

I did feel a bit bad when afterwards as you gave me such praise and said some lovely things, but by that point i had already begun so i just had to see it through. I guess we're even now huh?

God this blog is just turning into the Kris' Friends Show. Sorry for those of you that don't know me, it must be incredibly boring for you. I promise it will be back to being all about me and only me very soon.

Me & Fi, It'll Always Be.

We both have birthdays coming soon, so to ease our collective pain, i thought i would post a couple of pictures to cheer us up.

As you can see we take pictures of ourselves in clubs a lot, we really really do love ourselves sick. Don't playa hate!

Miss Joan Rivers Meets The Club Kids

This is truly legendary. Joan Rivers used to have a chat show, and one day she invited Leigh Bowery, Michael Alig (who a friend of mine says i remind him of - discuss), James St. James, Ernie Glam and Amanda Lepore onto the show.

Well, they rocked the shit out of it.

My Friend Fidel DJed in Drag One Night....

Armed with an international make-up artist to the stars, a hairdresser of the same calibre, Jimmy Choo heels and a will succeed, Fidel left his humble abode in pursuit of adventure.




No the work hasn't dried up, no she hasn't put the wig on to reignite interest in her fledgling career, no she is not the new Dusty O'Dear, Barbara Bush, Lady Bunny or Ivana Man, nor is she the new Miss Kimberley (by virtue of having an actual job she's good at- i saw that bitch performing Chicago at Too 2 Much, i know what i'm talking about) - She is Fidel and she is Major.



Staff, friends and lovers failed to recognise the ebony enchantress when she skipped into the club. Drag queens cursed and kissed her, men threw themselves at her, cameras flashed at her....

And then she got home.

And Where Was I?

On the dancefloor, feeling really self-concious.

I had to let my hair down though, my earlier attempts to steal the limelight failed.

I tried to go in her image, as i envisaged she would look in drag. I figured she would be more cutting edge, but i was seen through instantly.


Buggers. I was cast out of the club and told to take that polish off my face and called a racialist. Who'd of thunk?!

She's Found The Most Evil Looking Black Kids I've Ever Seen!

How has she managed that?

Shut Your Fucking Mouth You Glutenous Pig Of A Woman.

Please make it stop. She needs to leave (aren't i angry towards fat people today?). I reckon she's a right selfish cow. Britney my love, right now Paris Hilton is making you look like a minger, and so is the mirror.

Oh Mimi.

You used to be such a pretty girl. Oh shit, i'd already resolved to not bitch her anymore as i thought it was unfair and unjust. DOH! Well, just one more for luck, then i'm through. Here goes.

Ya face is brucken and you could claim both yo' thighs as co-dependants!

There i'm done. I really am not going to do that anymore, unless she starts off bitching Her Madgesty again. I'm starting to feel for Mariah. All she wanted was to sing and be be loved, nobody warned her about the rest of it, so i feel for her, and anyway she's done very well for herself and that's that.

God Give Me Strength...

Quite why i haven't bothered to post pictures of him before i don't know. I just don't know. He is Man, and he is gay. ANYONE THAT GOES OUT WITH PENELOPE CRUZ IS GAY. She is known to be a drinker from the furry cup. He also went out with Sandra Bullock, who's very manish, and Ashley Judd who is a blatent try hard actress, so of course she'd assume the role of 'Beard'. I can totally see how she would think "If it's good for Nicole Kidman..". Come to think of it, where's she been lately? Oh who the fuck cares.

Found This On The Loverley Internet...

"When she took off her shoes for the pedicurist, our spy said, "her feet stunk so [bleeping] bad that the pedicurist refused to do her toes . . . or anybody else's for the rest of the day."

This Makes Sense.

I REALLY WANT THIS PAINTING.

Ok so you're an anonymous donor, and i'm a struggling artist, oh forget the story just please somebody buy me this painting. You can have Matthew for one hour, he's quite bendy and agreeable. I might even be able to throw in a Fidel, but you must get me this. If you love me, you'll do it. Am i not good to you? Don't i treat you right baby?

Mariah Love Muffin

Another gem, a piss take of her Heartbreaker remix video.

Whoever this comedienne is, i feel love her. Even Missy Elliott makes an appearance (as a man in drag).

Even Though I Don't Really Rate Her...

... I think she's a bit twee, i do think this is the loveliest (is that how you spell it?) picture of her, or anyone, i've seen in a while. She got an Oscar that night, and if that was me i'd want a copy of this to put next to my trophy. In the loo, or y'know wherever.

I still think Felicity Hauffman was robbed, if you haven't seen Transamerica yet, harm yourself.

Mariah 'Gutter'

God bless Youtube. It allows me to show you all the funny videos i've been shown over the years. This is another MADTV special, this time on my favourite inspirational movie, "Glitter".

I'm actually starting to feel a bit bad about bitchin' her off all the time. I don't actually think there's any rivalry there between her and 'The Only One That Matters' Madonna, Queen of England. Everybody in the free speaking world seems to be going on about her weight, and i'm starting to think it's almost abusive. Don't get me wrong, i can't stand fat people as much as the next person because they are liars, but come on. If she puts weight on she puts weight on. The whole world shouldn't then attack her so violently as they seem to.

It was fun when she was crazy though, just a little bit. Anyway, i've said my piece. Now here's the video.

Silly Celine

Saw this on another website and had to share:

"With the Oscars telecast and after parties barely wrapped up, Celine Dion gets "down" to work rehearsing new dance moves that will be featured in her next television special entitled, "Celine Dion: It's Hard out Here for a Pimp and other Oscar Favorites."

This Is The Most Major Blog..

...Other than my own obviously. It's Chewbaca's blog, not that i'm a fan of that silly film franchise. But this is very funny and a little strange. Don't expect to read very much.

iRocked & iRolled.

So i played at Discotec. It was MAJOR! Stepping into the DJ booth was like boarding a spacecraft - coming straight from the Rex it was a little like leaving council accomodations and moving to a 40 floor Thames side view. The equipment there is literally breathtaking - My lady friend (The Blonde) even remarked that my music had never sounded this good.

The funny thing is that i was playing the R&B room, but i wasn't planning on playing R&B. This was to prove an uneasy challenge, as i underestimated how seriously those queens in that room took their black sounds. But they didn't know, that i was planning on playing very R&B based vocal house music. So while they were bitching about there being dance music on, they suddenly realised they knew the words to the track, that the bassline was as dirty as the original if not more so, and ten by ten they started to dance. Boy did i win them over! That room rocked! I literally looked out on to the dancefloor and felt amazing. Everyone was going crazy to my remixes of different tracks - Kanye West, Amerie, Gwen, Janet, Brandy, Beyonce, the fuckin' lot. People were coming over to praise my ass, saying they thought it was gonna be rubbish but that actually "...You earned my respect y'know yeah". Seems i'd found the first place i've ever known that a pretty face won't carry much kudos (which explains why most dj's are ugly fucks).

I had an amazing sound engineer (most of them are cunts n'all), who designed the system i was playing on. This probably so boring to you, whoever you are, but i think i'm a bit nerdy underneath this timeless, lithe exterior. The Cool Chick came down (that's Rose, who's picture i've posted before) and brought her camera as always. There WILL be a posting of pictures soon enough, especially as we then went to see Fidel who was playing in the other room and got trigger happy. Now there's a boy who makes DJing look easy!

Anyway i ended up snogging and smoking weed with a Brazilian in a doorway on the Strand at 5am, then i went home. I fucking rock man. Thanks to Laurent for giving me the gig in the first place, and Fidel for recommending me. Think i'll be sorting that Sketch gig out now, i've been putting it off as i wasn't sure i was good enough. Funny the ways that you can hold yourself back isn't it?

To celebrate this latest victory, i have made a new remix. It's a new version of Angie Stone 'I Wish I Didn't Miss You' and you can download it here.

iRocked &iRolled.

This Is Very Special.

You may recognise her from The Whitney Chronicles 1-4, well here is my favourite comedy lady whose name i've never known, in a really funny sketch.

First I Brought You This...

...Followed By This...

This is sooo bad it's good. Look out for missy man-she with the weave, she's givin' you all she got.

...Then This...

Oh my God this is so me @ 15, which if you've read my profile, is now. There is actually a video knocking about on the black market of me doing something very similar. And something very different.

Now To Show I Wasn't Sorry...

Vintage Madonna

These guys are almost 30, one is bald. In the UK we get this faze of our lives well and truly over with my the time we can vote no?