And It Was Right At That Moment I Realised...

...I'd never seen Paris, ridden an Elephant, traded war stories with Bette Midler, held my breath at the grave of Santa Evita, been blessed at Fountain Bleu, paid my council tax, registered to vote, been complimented on my outfit, had a boyfriend that wasn't imaginary and i'd never been spotted by a famous movie director and starred alongside Paris Hilton and Amanda De Cadanet in 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun 2, This Time It's Serious'.

Nor had i done anything about that funny looking toenail, developed a sick penchant for Hennessey brandy, found out who my mother was, eaten, laughed without knowing why, seen a film with a happy ending, donated to charity, received anything from charity, learnt where Africa was or to tie my own shoes, spent a day without taking some kind of pill, spent a day without robbing someones bag, made friends with anyone that wasn't eventually repulsed by my habit of burping as loud as an atom bomb whenever i feel like it, used the loo without the aid of some kind of device, played basket ball, drank wine from grapes in the country they were grown, been touched by a holy man in a non-sexual capacity, lived in a home without wheels, engaged in a harmless flirtation with Mikhail Gobachov, found out where those bastards put my kids or ever been glamourous enough to smoke coke.

So fuck you, and fuck you too, fuck you fuck you fuck you, go fuck yourselves, that's right, fuck you.