Funny Joke.

I know everyone's hatin' on her, but damn it this is funny.


A journalist interviews Sir Paul McCartney:
"So, Sir Paul, do you think that you will ever
go down on one knee again?"
Sir Paul: "I'd prefer it if you called her Heather".

Bad Date.

Watch till the end. You can tell the exact moment that Paris HIlton walked into the room.

Top 10 Actual Shops In Ghana.

10. Gift Of God Beauty Salon
9. God Is King Radiator Services
8. Jesus' Victory School
7. Jesus is Alive Supermarket
6. The King Maker
5. The Success Spot
4. My God Is Able Phone Cards
3. Showers Of Blessing Fashion Shop
2. The Lord's Restaurant (Continental, Ghanian, and Chinese cuisine)

And finally, giving a whole new meaning to "Let there be light":
1. God's First Electrical Store

You're Going To Be Seeing A Lot Of This Soon....

Don't hate, and if you used to go out with either of us, don't come.

Girls' Night Out

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been
decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they need to pee. They were very near

a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a
headstone or something.

The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, and
used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive
underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to
salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to
wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said,
"These damn girls night out have got to stop. My wife came home last night
without her panties."

"That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck
between the cheeks of her butt that said, `From all of us at the Fire
Station. We'll never forget you.'"

Went To A Wedding The Other Day....

...in fact i Dj'd too. That's right, i'm now a wedding DJ. To be fair it was the wedding of my close friends Paul & Rob, and it was genuinely beautiful. I actually very nearly cried. Now, to all those that were there, can i have some pictures please? I wish to blog. I would also like some bloody pictures of my birthday, as the night is somewhat a blur. All i know is i was major, and so was the midget.

Email is fine, thanks in advance.

(By the way, if you read this blog from far away and don't know me, hello! You weren't at any of these events, but they were great, and so i'll show you soon enough. Me me me, etc etc etc.)

True Friendship.

Are you tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship:

(1) When you are sad - I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the son of a bitch who made you sad.

(2) When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

(3) When you smile - I will smile, knowing you finally got laid.

(4) When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

(5) When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.

(6) When you are confused - I will use small words.

(7) When you are sick - I will stay the hell away from you until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have!

(8) When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath... I pledge it till the end. Why, you may ask? Because you are my friend. Try to send this to 10 of your closest friends. Then you can get depressed because you can only think of two and one of them isn't speaking to you right now anyway.

Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.

This Is Legendary!

Walk For Me, performed live at Bank in NYC.
Walk the body, walk the face, walk it, and you'll snatch first place!

The night i met Fidel....

This Is Legendary!

Walk For Me, performed live at Bank in NYC.
Walk the body, walk the face, walk it, and you'll snatch first place!

The night i met Fidel....

Mariah Flies!

Her new super Pepsi commercial. This is laugh out loud funny! I especially wet myself when she flies through the air on a motorbike. Genius! Thanks to Fidel for the recommendation, you do brighten my days with these dear.

Oh and her massive legs made me laugh too. Ha ha ha.

And Here's Her Explaining Her Inspiration....

....For ringtones!

Oh McCarey, you truly are constantly evolving, moving with the times, staying one step ahead.

When she's explaining the concept it sounds like every single one of her videos. Completely meaningless, without any class or style and thoroughly disposable. Very little about her will stand the test of time (God i'm hatin' on her something rotten tonight huh?)

Gimme Gimme Cha Cha Heels!

It was only a matter of time really wasn't it?

Bad Hair

(I'm sure that guy above was beging me to play 'Maneater' at Too 2 Much the other night)

Bad Hair

Terrible Hair

And the irony of it all is, these pictures came of a website called beautyschooldyke.com, and this woman below is the one taking the piss out of everybody! Her, she's like a lesbian Penfold for fuck's sake!

This Is The Cutest Little Video!

Doing it for the kids. I reckon this will become a big viral email.

'Who Stole The Cookie From The Cookie Jar'

If You Were Gay 2006

This is actually quite good, though it looks shit at the beginning.

Laugh, ya bastards.

Sex In Christ

Ok, so this is a site that seeks to prove that the act of FISTING was indeed a biblical act. You know how those crazy Christian Kidz like to preach that Bible trash, well they're all fisting each other too.

Click here for an enlightening journey up your gummer!

Tranny Day!

I don't know why but i'm filled with the joys of all things tranny.

Titty Slap!

Ok This Is A Bit Wrong.

Tranny bullying? This video is really near the mark for me, i just don't know what i'm doing posting it. I think because it's moved me so much, it has to be shown.

I just don't know what else to say.

Love You Long Time.

Do not fuck with the HeShes of the East honey, they will take you eye right out! They're at the front line of Trannydome, between circus freaka and Fem Realness.

Tranny Bounce

Tranny's are happiest when they are bouncing honey.



FYI - How real does this tranny look? To all those who were involved in my 'was she wasn't she?' debate at the Agent Provocatuer party the other night, up yours. She WAS HONEY! She was a ManShe honey!

Star Trek Cribs - Spock

Look out for La-Whorer, or whatever her name is.

This is major.

Gash With A Tash!

As we all know there is no excuse for female facial hair.

So i have no remorse in posting this, though can you imagine your friend putting YOU on the net as the bearded lady?

Indian girls have a hard time. This clip isn't major, but it's in keeping with my ManShe theme of the day.

When I Say I've Already Left...

....I'm lying.



FYI - Why are all these tranny things extremely English? British Suburbia eh? Whe did we ever leave.

I Love This.

You Fat Tranny.

Where Am I Going With This Stuff.

Oddly, i know Margate. Early beginnings perhaps?

Think I'm Starting To Get A Bit Mucky....

Heavy Night?

Whitney's Speech.

Whitters was booked to appear at a University Ceremony, this is a transcript.


COMMENCEMENT SPEECH,
WHITNEY HOUSTON,
EAST SOUTHERN
UNIVERSITY,
JUNE 9, 2006.

BY JEN MICHALSKI

- - - -

Thank y'all for coming to see me tonight. How are you doing? Let's get this party started, yeah! (Assistant whispers to Whitney.) Oh, oh right. What college is this? East Southern University. Well, hello, ESU. ESU, ESU, ESUUUUU (dances). Let me start by saying, I believe that children are our future ... (hums) ... lead the way ... show them all the beauty they possess inside ... shit it's hot. (Wipes brow and drops fur coat to the ground.) Why you having this shit outside, anyway? You never heard of air conditioning? Where's Bobby? Bobby? You know, I got to tell you a little secret. Just between you and me. (Leans over the podium.) The demons are after Bobby. I try to protect him now, 'cause he's my man, and you ain't mess with my lair, my family. 'Cause family is the most important thing in your life. You need to find a man that has your back, that will do anything for you, deal with your shit, literally, your black love. But what can I say? (Shakes head repeatedly.) Demons after him ... But, Bobby, baby, I just want you to know IIIIIIIIIIIIIII will always love yooooooooooouuuuu. (Assistant whispers to Whitney, points to note cards on podium.) All right, right now, don't you be bossing Whitney around. (Rummages through note cards.) Who got my glasses? Shit. (Tosses cards into air.) No one needs to tell me how to live life. I am Whitney Houston, baby. I can tell you all you need to know about being a success in life, 'cause I'm a diva. You know, they say everybody searching for a hero ... people need someone to look up to ... Well, let me tell you—I never found anyone to fulfill my needs ... so I learned to depend on me. You can't depend on nobody but yourself. Everybody is out to get you. The tabloids, the demons, the bitch ass at the Chinese place that always messes up my order. The only person I depend on to get through the day is God and Whitney. If you have God, if I have God, they can't take away our dignity! We'll have the greatest love of all. Inside of me. And let me tell you something else. You succeed in the world like I have, you don't do cheap shit, OK, Diane Sawyer? Crack is cheap. I make too much for me to ever smoke crack. Let's get that straight, OK? We don't do crack. We don't do that. Crack is whack. Stay in school, I tell you. You got to stay in school. (Assistant whispers to Whitney.) Right, right, right. OK, you out of school now. Well, use your education to be a lawyer or banker or teacher or something. I didn't need an education. God gave me a voice to sing, and when you have that, what other gimmick is there? So find your strength in love, baby. Where's Bobby? Bobby? Who's that in the front row—the demon with the black robes on? They're everywhere, hundreds of black-robed demons! Bobby, they coming for you! Get my gun out of the Lincoln, baby. (Knocks over podium, revealing pajama pants worn over a bathing suit.) Hold on, baby. God is on his way. He told me to hold on. He's on his way. Where's my pistol, goddamn it?!?


STATEMENT RELEASED BY
WHITNEY HOUSTON ENTERPRISES,
JUNE 10, 2006.

Because of the hectic demands placed on her by her performance at the 2006 Olympics back in February, Ms. Houston has been suffering from severe exhaustion and regrets that any part of her commencement speech at East Southern University was taken out of context. Ms. Houston believes that education is the greatest priority a young mind should have, and she is proud of the young men and women at ESU who made a commitment to education and saw it through. She wishes all recent graduates much success in the work force and hopes that her own perseverance and determination will serve as an inspiration to those who are in the midst of achieving their dreams.

You Are An Extreme Redneck When:

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween Pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Bonus Comment:

An East Texas couple, both real-life rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed". The doctor asked them why, after nine children would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in North America was Mexican and they didn't want a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.

My Winter Years.

Except the other person would be of a darker hue (since i've resigned myself to the fact Fidel ain't going nowhere!).

Oh Noel...

Noel Edmonds puts his foot right in it. For those calling from abroad, this guy used to be a huge television star, and has recently just found favour again due to his appearance on a cheap but game show.

He is really naff, and this video is a classic.

If You Ever Date A Deaf Guy...

Well...

I'm sorry (again) that i haven't posted much. I'm extremely busy at the moment with many things in a huge big pipeline. Got my own club night starting soon though, more about that nearer the time...

Till then i thought you might like to see what i look like first thing in the morning.

Oh My God.

I can't tell you how good this is stoned (anyone who's seen me stoned will realise how true that is!), but even if you're not, i promise you will laugh.

I really can't work out if this is real. I assumed it was but it's so awful that i can't believe it.

Anyway, Sondra Prill "Nasty Boys".

You Better Work!

This is quite a find.

Imagine Ashlee Simpson, much older than now, making a come back, in the eighties.

Now hit play.

Lick Yo' What?

I mean seriously, pussy on a stick. Gash pops etc etc.

Mission Impossible.

(This one did particularly tickle me i must say)

You Know You Have Great Friends When.....

"What's That Between Your Tits?"

Gay Pride.

Punishments For 13 Year Olds.

Mission Impossible.

This is SOOOO Major.

Porn Actresses, beating the crap outof each other. I'm telling you this is major.

Venus, she started it!

When You Know Yo Sista's Got Yo Back.

It's a long way back to Nashville Debbie-Ray.

God Save The Queen.

Click on image to enlarge, as it were.