Someone has made a montage of her best vocal moments, and i think they may have been serious. I of course, am posting it, because i am not. It's hysterical.
She's especially good on the swing!
30.11.06
Drag Queen Makeover
This is fabulous! A woman being made over by a drag queen, to look more like a woman. The fat bloke claims he looks good because he takes THE TIME to look good. Holy Cow (said with love).
28.11.06
YOU MUST CLICK ON THIS!
World Aids Day is coming up, i think, and this company will donate $1 for every candle lit on their website. This officially makes this THE EASIEST way i've ever seen of donating money to charity. Just click on the link below, or i'll bash ya face in.
I AM A GOOD PERSON LIKE KRIS DI ANGELIS
I AM A GOOD PERSON LIKE KRIS DI ANGELIS
27.11.06
24.11.06
You Know Those People....
....That leave silly messages on myspace saying things like "Just showing some love on your page man" with pictures with hearts etc?
Well here's mine.
Well here's mine.
23.11.06
22.11.06
21.11.06
20.11.06
Would Love To Meet...
A personal ad from a Jamaican DL married gay.
WAH GWAAN Bredren? Mi a marrid mon wid children so keep yo shit on da DL and COME KORREK!!Mi a real DL so mi like fi do anyting freaky in private wid mi big fat dick and big, wide, sloppy Jamaican batty 'ole. Mi dark skin, big bones, dreads, gold teet and errings and good-lookin Rude Rasta Mon. Mi like fi suck dick, nyam azz, drink man juice den mi ah go ah mi yad and kiss mi wifey and mi pikni-dem. 'olla from Little Kingston (Canarsie/East Flatbush).
In Jamaica, mi was fist-fucked 3 times onnah kokonut tree. Dats one, too, tree times! CALL ME NOW!
WAH GWAAN Bredren? Mi a marrid mon wid children so keep yo shit on da DL and COME KORREK!!Mi a real DL so mi like fi do anyting freaky in private wid mi big fat dick and big, wide, sloppy Jamaican batty 'ole. Mi dark skin, big bones, dreads, gold teet and errings and good-lookin Rude Rasta Mon. Mi like fi suck dick, nyam azz, drink man juice den mi ah go ah mi yad and kiss mi wifey and mi pikni-dem. 'olla from Little Kingston (Canarsie/East Flatbush).
In Jamaica, mi was fist-fucked 3 times onnah kokonut tree. Dats one, too, tree times! CALL ME NOW!
So I Was Playing At The Club Last Night...
... and i had a few drinks, had a little dance, had a little snog. After that i partied for a little longer at a late night bar, not entirely legally, and my friend and fellow DJ Fidel ended up crashing at mine for the night.
When i woke up i went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, washed my face and promised myself i would never drink again. On my way back to the bedroom i decided to wake Fidel up, but he looked so busted i couldn't hide my reaction....
When i woke up i went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, washed my face and promised myself i would never drink again. On my way back to the bedroom i decided to wake Fidel up, but he looked so busted i couldn't hide my reaction....
Scary Clown
There's nothing scarier (is that how you spell it?) than a clown. What i love is that it's obvious at the end that he filmed it himself, obviously a lonely secret clown then.
God bless You Tube.
God bless You Tube.
Barbie The Slut.
This is in no way as funny as you might assume it would be, but it is interesting. Who the fuck, has THIS much anger, to produce such nonsense? Some guy has obviously been dumped by someone infinitely prettier than him, and decided to express this through film, and then broadcast it.
God bless the uglies. Kind of.
God bless the uglies. Kind of.
18.11.06
This Is What Everybody Should React Like.
I have a new-found respect for Faith Hill. She's just a girl after my own heart.
If You've Never Seen 'Female Trouble'...
...you need to check yourself.
Here's the trailer, then a few clips.
Get to work:
Here's the trailer, then a few clips.
Get to work:
Dinner At The Davenports
This is where Fidel got most of his inspiration for his early years. And you know that shit is true mother fucker! Listen out for the first ever "Hey Lady!". There's a little bit of him in every character here, especially the one that says "I got somethin for yo face mother fucker!"
Divine Recreation
It seems you're not a fierce rulin' drag queen till you're dead and someone is tributing you for money honey.
What i also love about this clip, is the music behind it. Where does one even find such hideousness?
What i also love about this clip, is the music behind it. Where does one even find such hideousness?
Food.
Kristmas Dinner?
>...Here is a recipe I thought you would like for the holidays!
>
>Ingredients:
>1 whole chicken or turkey
>1 large lemon, cut into halves
>sprig of rosemary
>salt and pepper to taste
>butter or olive oil, whichever you prefer
>
>Heat oven to 350 degrees
>
>Rub butter or oil over the skin of the chicken/turkey until it is
>completely
>coated.
>
>Sprinkle with salt and pepper and any other seasonings you prefer.
>
>Take a knife and gently separate the skin from the breast meat;
>
>
>
>Slide lemon halves under the skin with the peel side up, one on
>
>each side. This way the juice from the lemon will release into the
>breasts.
>
>
>Place sprig of rosemary into the chicken/turkey.
>
>Cover and bake for 30-45 minutes. Remove cover and continue
>
>to roast until juices run clear, basting every 15-20 minutes.
>
>
>If you've followed these steps correctly, your chicken/turkey should
>
>look like the one in the picture.
>...Here is a recipe I thought you would like for the holidays!
>
>Ingredients:
>1 whole chicken or turkey
>1 large lemon, cut into halves
>sprig of rosemary
>salt and pepper to taste
>butter or olive oil, whichever you prefer
>
>Heat oven to 350 degrees
>
>Rub butter or oil over the skin of the chicken/turkey until it is
>completely
>coated.
>
>Sprinkle with salt and pepper and any other seasonings you prefer.
>
>Take a knife and gently separate the skin from the breast meat;
>
>
>
>Slide lemon halves under the skin with the peel side up, one on
>
>each side. This way the juice from the lemon will release into the
>breasts.
>
>
>Place sprig of rosemary into the chicken/turkey.
>
>Cover and bake for 30-45 minutes. Remove cover and continue
>
>to roast until juices run clear, basting every 15-20 minutes.
>
>
>If you've followed these steps correctly, your chicken/turkey should
>
>look like the one in the picture.
Cristal Makeover
This little commercial does explain why i look so incredibly young, even though i have in the past consumed my entire body weight in alcohol on a twice weekly basis.
And i mean incredibly young.
And i mean incredibly young.
13.11.06
Black Sweat Parody
This is a parody of Prince's last video, and it's actually rather good. By the same guy that did THAT major skit of Beyonce's Ring The Alarm, this is a little more subtle but effective nonetheless.
For Lukas.
Simon Doonan, author of WACKY CHICKS and long-term window-dresser at Barney's, was asked to help promote Joan Collins' new tome, THE ART OF LIVING WELL, at a recent Barnes and Noble book-signing. Though he'd submitted his questions in advance at her request, Joan arrived and wasn't having it. Maybe she wasn't just playing a bitch on DYNASTY... Anyway, here's Simon's delightfully-written account of the heart-breaking fiasco:
Me Krystle, You Joan!
Collins-quy Turns Ugly
By Simon Doonan
What was I doing, helping Joan Collins flog copies of her sizzling new self-help mega-tome, The Art of Living Well: Looking Good, Feeling Great (Sourcebooks), on my 54th birthday last Monday at the Borders store in the Time Warner Center? A fair question.
Several months ago, I was asked by the Borders events manager to host a book-signing for La Collins. Apparently the great lady had penned another masterpiece and, in lieu of doing a reading, had requested that yours truly interview her à la Dick Cavett. Having done the same for sister Jackie Collins—fab, funny and relaxed—at the 92nd Street Y a couple of years back, I was looking forward to notching another Collins on my walking stick. My goal is to add Phil and Judy before my 60th.
At Joan’s request, I submitted questions in advance. These were constructed after conscientiously breezing through The Art of Living Well. (This hilarious book—at $24.95, a great ironic camp holiday gift—is liberally plastered with photos of Joan flaunting herself in various outfits, locations and decades.) I was at pains to make these questions cheeky and unpedestrian. This approach seemed to mirror the spirit of Joan’s occasional diary for the U.K.’s Spectator, of which I am an enthusiastic reader.
I was excited about the whole encounter. I had visions of striking up a wild rapport with Joan. After all, we had so much in common: We were both low-born, stop-at-nothing, first-generation immigrants who had come to the U.S. and clawed our way to the middle, albeit in different fields. We both enjoy the attentions of a younger husband. And then there are the wigs: Though hers are expensive handmade jobs and mine are cheapo nylon numbers made for window mannequins, wigs loom large on our respective horizons. Having spent extended periods of time in Lima, I also looked forward to swapping carjacking stories with Joan’s Peruvian-born husband, Percy. I had visions of calling my Jonny and making up an après-book-signing foursome at the eaterie of Joan’s choice. (Even though it was my birthday, I would let her choose.)
’Twas not to be.
Enter La Collins. When the events manager introduced us, Joan, who was wearing black satin slacks with a fab chinoise-y top with flyaway bits, recoiled in horror. “I knew nothing of this!” she gasped, splaying a hand on her upper chest and adding: “And I hate these kinds of surprises!” Sphincters tightened. Knuckles whitened. So great was the maquillaged septuagenarian’s displeasure that I began to have Dynasty déjà vu. I felt as though we were in the middle of a showdown in the lobby of the Mirage country club: Krystle and Alexis were about to slug it out and roll around on Borders’ mauve carpet.
But fighting was out of the question. There was no way I could bring myself to throttle the still-gorgeous icon. Yes, she was having a hissy fit, but, when all is said and done, the lady had just cause: Apparently, horror of horrors, Joan’s people had forgotten to remind her that someone had agreed to come—on his birthday!—and help her peddle books. What kind of monsters were they? How could they treat a great star like that! No wonder she was furious. If, on my next book tour, somebody shows up and tries to help me sell books (on his or her birthday), I will bitch-slap that loser all the way to Carrington headquarters.
The affable S.O. somehow managed to placate his missus. With Percy in tow carrying the Collins fur stole, we proceeded to the speaking area, where we were greeted by loud cheers, a good number of which were directed—sorry, Joanie!— at moi.
Encouraged by the sight of so many well-wishers and familiar faces, I resolved to vanquish the current froideur and kicked off the interview with a rousing quote from Joan’s book: “Relationships, particularly sexual ones, are not just the prerogative of the young …. ”
“Joan, this is my favorite quote,” I gushed. “Would you care to elaborate?”
10.11.06
7.11.06
Momma Madge
Click here for something really funny, a kind of funny version of Madonna (The only one that matters) on Oprah.
My Dog Bites My Vagina
This is funny, though i do feel for the woman. I mean, she's getting bitten in the vagina by her dog and won't do anything about it? Get laid lady, poor thing.
God Bless Jan Terri
This is remarkable. Just when you think it can't get any worse, she goes for the high notes...
1.11.06
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