29.8.06

Never In My Life...

...did i think i would get tips on how to dump someone from Michael Jackson. I must be getting older, and my dates are definately getting younger....

Hmmmm.

You know how sometimes you can think you look one way, but in reality you look completely different? Well in my mind, this is what i look like when i'm djing at my club night.

Funny the mind isn't it?

The Only One That Matters.

Our lady of perpetual motion.

28.8.06

The Trouble With Wearing Trampy Clothes Is....

....That when you're hand eventually finds it's way back into the cookie jar, EVERYONE CAN SEE! What the fuck does she think she looks like? She must be a cunt mustn't she? How is it that no one around her feels comfortable enough to say "Er, babe, don't wear that."? Even i have friends that have been known to save me from embarrasing myself, course i don't speak to them anymore but anyways.





Free Gas

Urethra Franklin

What. The. Fuck.

A selection.



Suffice to say, this one's mine. Apparantly part of me likes to do the making love and the other part likes to watch. I think he's onto something y'know.



It's the way he manages to find ways to sing the actual name of the sign. He's an early Eminem!

This Is Why You Should Never Write Songs About The Zodiac.

I mean, what the fuck is she thinking?

Brand Beckham

Clever Dick

Hee Hee

Oh My Love....

Went Out On Friday Night....

....And had the most major time. Here's the video of what i got up to...


22.8.06

OHMYGOD!

This is insane.

And look at the square fags that are filming it, they laugh like opera singers and they can't even keep the camera on her. If it was me i'd just be thinking about the blogging of it obviously.

21.8.06

An Oldie But Goodie.

Believe me, you might wanna watch the video below this one first (the one called "There are some pretty sick things on the internet"), you'll probably need some light relief. Go on, watch the one below first, then go to this one. Believe me it's for the best.

Mel B (Scary Spice) - How Do!

Dirty Tits!

Mel B's Deleted Scenes.

There Are Some Pretty Sick Things On The Internet...

....And then there's this piece of complete fucking wrongness. This truly is one of the wrongest things i've ever seen, but at the same time, i cry with laughter!

Do bear in mind though, that this is complete fucking wrongness.

Fair Play.

Supa Crystal!

HOW YOU KNOW YOUR MAN IS HOOKED ON CRYSTAL

1) He can fuck for hours but alas never seems to achieve and erection.
2) When you head over to his apartment for a romantic evening his door is slightly ajar and upon entering he is naked on his bed with his ass in the air getting plowed by 5-7 gentleman callers.
3) When you are fucking him it feels like you are fucking an open window.
4) He is missing he two front teeth.
5) He has picked out all his eyelashes and eyebrows and has glued them to an ashtray and has given it to you for a birthday gift. Your birthday was 6 months ago.
6) He swears Madonna is communicating to him through a filling in his mouth.
7) He has redecorated his apartment by boarding up all his windows with duct tape and cardboard boxes.
8) His breath smells like gasoline.
9) He has overdosed and died.

Happy Days!

How To Self-Defend.

This really is the best way.

So I Put 'Whine & Grine' Into YouTube....

....and this is what i got. I'm amazed this white guy is singing this song. His slight and false Jamaican twang, the fact that the lyrics are about ramming her hard, i just don't know how he seriously does it. If you've ever heard the Prince Buster original version you'll understand why i'm surprised the white middle classes have taken on this song, and then, turned it into a political song about Margarate Thatcher!

Oh yes it's special alright.

Not Sure If I Agree With This....

...but these girls are quite funny.

Playschool Dutty Wine

Dutty Wine - Boy Style

Latino's want to redress the balance and show that they can do what everybody else has been doing for years too - claim black culture as their own.

It will start in one bedroom at a time.

Skeletor With A Mic.

This is hystyerical! Posh spice singing acapella with just 2 guitarists and countless hidden backing vocalists. Here she demonstrates how much she deserves no.1 records by sitting down the entire time (i remember her 'scary' counterpart doing the same thing as a performance for 'Word Up', shortly before her career hit the skids), singing through auto-tune (a studio based program that tunes up any vocal - remember Cher 'Believe' with that funny vocal effect? Well it doesn't always have to sound that harsh), rapping (i'm saying nothing) and allowing herself to be filmed from a side profile (a pig with fake tan).

I'm glad we live in a world where she at least can't shift records. All that money and her teeth are still inverted! There are two 'songs' in this performance, the second she wrote for David called Thanks for the Lifestyle (or I Owe You or something like that).

Pig in Shoes.

18.8.06

Little Latin Boy In Drag, Why Are You Cryin'?

Janet At Her Best.

Since Janet Jackson is about to release her weakest single to date, i thought i would reminisce about her when she was major. In her new video she looks ridiculous, but doesn't carry it off. In this video she at times looks the same, but somehow it doesn't matter.

It could be because her brother looks so much weirder, but i think it's because the video is amazing and still looks great today.

Michael & Janet Jackson - Scream

Is It All Over My Face?

This a music video for the single All Over Your Face by Cazwell, the producer behind Amanda Lepore recent singles. He's not very good either as a producer or as a rapper, but for some reason i like this track. Sold it to ya? Ok then, Madame Lepore looks fierce in it.

Supersonic Travel

This is wonderful, an advert for the future of supersonic travel. This apparantly is what it 'will' look like. Well i've travelled on Concorde a few times and i can tell you it was tiny, uncomfortable and too close to Michael Hestletine for my taste.

Loving the look of this though, and the accompanying music.

14.8.06

My Supa Club Night!

This is the poster for my club night, which is going very well thank you very much etc etc. If you wanna here an example of the music we're playing it can be found on my new myspace page. I tend to change the music every few days so feel free to check back as and when. As it is it's 4am and i've just finished a remix of a Christina Aguilera track from her new album (which is fucking awesome frankly) called Back In The Day, and i'll be making it available for download in the morning.

The jiggaboo in the picture is my best friend and favourite DJ in the whole world Fidel. Between the two of us we manage to create new music from old music, and it's very very clever. If you're a regular reader of my blog and fancy coming down then feel free to let me know and i'll guest list you.

It's a mixed up cool crowd (including Keira Knightly and Dolce & Gabbana the other night, who i think are quite cool aren't they?), it rocks till around 4ish usually, it's called New Bohemia and it's fucking major.

Dance Monkeys Dance!

For those of you suffering quite a come down, a poem for you.

Dance You Fucking Monkeys!

Nicole Is SOOOOO Not Well.

She is one of the most anorexic girls i've seen in recent times. Especially next to Tyra! If you click on the pictures you can see Nicole's face close up - she's younger than me and her face is actually wrinkled and she is supa thin.

It's quite sad really to think everyone takes her picture, it probably makes it all much worse. There is no way i would let a friend of mine do that to themselves.



For Fuck's Sake Woman!

This bitch could get a camel toe wearing her bed linen man! Sort your kootch!

I Love New York.

This is one of the reasons that New York CAN still be major. It was Amanda Lepore's birthday, and Kim (not Kevin) Aviance did a special performance for her party. It gets a little dull half way through, but i love the guy that thanks her at the end. He sounds like something STRAIGHT out of Paris Is Burning.


Kim Aviance - My Baby Shot Me Down


You Know You're A Redneck When...

The new version is out!


1 You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your b ack and they don't want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12.. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You w onder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

Watch This Till The End.

OH MY GOD.

Before "Because You're Worth It, There Was...

11.8.06

My Favourite Ms. Carey Tour Photo Yet.



What does it take to dress that woman, it's as if she repels clothes, then in turn she repels others when they see her in some. There's a vicious cycle occurin' here babe, might wanna start drinkin'.

Liberace For Versace.



But with Madonna's (The Only One That Matters) legs.

Two Little Queens.

One of these boys will surely become, if he isn't already, a professional drag queen and failed actor. The other one will just spend a lifetime quietly laughing to himself.

This video isn't funny at all, but i'm just intrigued by a recogniseable dynamic between them. Bugger knows why. Oh to be young again etc etc. I am young etc etc.

Bush Vs. Blair

I know i've posted this before but it's so good it needs to be seen again.

You're mother sucks horses willies.

Bush & Blair Sing Endless Love.

I'm on a roll with the duets tonight!

Liza Vs. Carol

A video mash-up of Larry King interviews with Liza Minelli and Carol Channing.

There's a demi-drag version of it further down the page too, you lucky lucky things.

The Latest Internet Star.

The Spinning Fireman.

If you haven't already heard about this, it's basically a fireman that decided to put himself into a dryer and switch it on. It's really quite funny, though he's now up for a disciplinary. Oops.

From One Of The Writers of South Park...

...Comes the Passion of the Hairplugs. Mel Gibson at his absolute best. This is fucking nuts, you must watch it all as it kinda takes a turn when he goes to the clinic....

Watch This Till The End.

It's fucking brilliant, Liza Vs Carol - With wigs and queers.

8.8.06

Roseanime

This looks major.

MAD TV - Terms Of Imprisonment

It's all about the fight scene baby.

Well I Never....

You gotta love those religeous types. They will plunder any human suffering they can to get people on their side. This is a wonderful little example, and well done Sharon Stone. Don't ever fuck with her.

Roseanne, Dan and Jackie Get Stoned.

How funny?!!!!!

And i really want a pudding pop! I've never had one, someone please send me one!!!1


Rufus Wainwright on French & Saunders

This folk festival sketch always makes me laugh out etc etc.

Roseanne & Jackie Vs. Patsy & Eddie

Oh yes, i'm not sure anyone actually saw this, but this was when Ab Fab came to Roseannadu.

I LOVE THIS!

Kylie on Kath & Kim

If you haven't seen this, you're weird. Even weirder, is Kylie's make-up. She's surprisingly adept at playing Aussie trash..... makes you wonder. Actually, no it doesn't.


If You Liked Kath & Kim...

....The you should like this. It's Kim, playing Madonna in her Frozen Video.

I Think This Looks Amazing.

It's behind the scenes of the latest Sony Bravia campaign. Nothing major, but i think it looks cool and it's only short.


7.8.06

OH. MY. GOD.

This is fucking unreal. A promo for The Church Of Satan. I haven't checked out the website yet, but the ad is something else....

This Girl's Gonna Be Huge.....

...And not just because the majority of the American population are. She. Is. Major. Ness.

Give it up for Earth Wind and Fire's biggest little fan. Sista Gurl!

For Those Who Take Life Way Too Seriously...

Here's some "wisdom" from the web. Author unknown.

For Those Who Take Life Way Too Seriously..........

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like...night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
10. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
14. How many of you believe in psycho kinesis? Raise my hand.
15. OK . . . so what's the speed of dark?
16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
18. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened?
25. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
26. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
27. Life isn't like a box of chocolates.... it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

4.8.06

Cock!


There's a dance/cock theme here today. I don't know why, i just don't know. Maybe i gotta get laid.

Right In The Cock & Balls!

This is an excerpt from a show called American Dad, which i LOVE. My favourite character is the gay alien, as he's very very funny.

Some weirdo has disabled the player, but paste this into your browser:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KWAOxTAQXE

And here's another example:

DicksOut Tuxedo.com!

Very cock heavy today, though there is also titsOutTaffetta.com!

Bro Rape.

This is definately major. Bro Rape.

Get Up Offa That Thang!

I started watching this thinking it was gonna be funny, but it's actually brilliant. Apart from the outfits, obviously. Half way through i realised that isn't overdubbed music it's what they're actually dancing to, and it's quite amazing.

Cock Jiggy Jiggy!

This is funny, in a japanese gameshow kinda way.

Another Point Of View.

Young Americans.

You Are Unfortch. With A Tiny Penis And Man Tits.

This is a collection of the most unfortch men i have ever witnessed. Link to this video should you ever need a pick me up. Unless you are like them, in which case let me blog you.

This video really kicks in half way through, difficult as it is to believe. There's a guy called Paul who i'm still not convinced actually has one.

Cock!






I love the way they've protected her identity, silly cocksucker - And she isn't seriously going to give that ice cream to that little girl, to the delight of the man behind her, is she?

Like The New Look?


So i now have broadband! Have been off moving about and DJing etc, but i'm back now and here to stay. Unless i go off again, then i'll be back after that. I have loads to post but right now one of my eyes has gone completely out of focus so i guess it's bed time. Will supply you with more tomorrow....

3.8.06

Ok, I'm Now Obsessed With The Pet Shop Boys.

In particular, but not limited to, their eighties stuff. I can't get enough of how Chris Lowe used to dress! He was and is so cool. I was told yesterday that they have heard about my DJing and are planning on coming down to my night, which we like very much. It's odd though that i would spend my childhood listening to their music, and now they're coming to listen to mine.

I'm obviously quite major.

This video is for West End Girls, a track i remixed last night in fact (well if they are popping down...)

The Spoof.

French & Saunders side-kicks Raw Sex did a spoof.

The Most I've Ever Seen Chris Lowe Do In A Video.

Loving that they surrounded themselves with young Brazillian boys. That started a trend if ever there was one.

The Most Beautiful Video They Ever Did.

And one of the most beautiful songs, ever.

Being Boring. Directed by Bruce Weber.


Grange Hill.

Oh My God.

Zammo's Junkie Downfall

Apparantly, She's The Most Fierce Woman That Ever Lived.

But then she would say that wouldn't she! This is quite major, i give you, The Wasp Woman. Queen of Beauty, Queen of Bees!

Stay Away From Porn You Kids!

I love the music in this, reminds me of sunday afternoons with nothing to do but watch really old films. Anyway, onto porn.

Me At The Gym.

Obviously.

2.8.06

Fake Bake Beyonce

So i've discovered 2 Beyonce rip offs, these are by far the funniest.

Why do i think this first one was filmed in Basra?

Laonce Knowles Feat. Gay ZZZZZ

THIS IS FUCKING MAJOR!!!!


Her Face.


If you stare at it, does it not become the weirdest looking face? It's just bloody weird. She cussed Mother Nature and Mother Nature bitch blapsed her in the face one time. The Rahsclahts.

WORK!

This is both wonderful and total crap, watch it and see what i mean.

Rupaul - Supermodel '06 Mix

Mimi, More Like More More.




I don't see the loverly Madonna (Only One That Matters) looking that BRUCKEN and BEATEN DOWN when she's performing at her show. Is all i'm sayin'.

This Picture Made Me Spit My Drink Out.



How someone's mind even comes up with that i don't know. Genius, maybe.

1.8.06

When You've Had Everyone In Town....

.....What else is there to do apres clubbing?

How To Dance Like A White Guy....

....I swear to God i could name ten people who must have bought this video. I may do that on this very site!

WE HEART BEA ARTHUR!

Off Milk.

The lesser known Villiage People classic.